Seriously, I've had a page open to write for the past 2 hours and I have no idea where to even start.  I thought I had the first page done a while ago, and I can't find it for the life of me.  And to put pressure on the matter, I have a meeting in 2 weeks with the director, so I really have to get some crap done.  It is by far the most difficult thing I could possibly imagine.  An historical piece...not well known...as a musical...and the narrator speaks in poetry.

*head asplodes*

I love the ideas, and I really want to write this.  But I'm sure Picasso wanted to invent a machine that would paint for him, too.

Seriously, I've had a page open to write for the past 2 hours and I have no idea where to even start.  I thought I had the first page done a while ago, and I can't find it for the life of me.  And to put pressure on the matter, I have a meeting in 2 weeks with the director, so I really have to get some crap done.  It is by far the most difficult thing I could possibly imagine.  An historical piece...not well known...as a musical...and the narrator speaks in poetry.

*head asplodes*

I love the ideas, and I really want to write this.  But I'm sure Picasso wanted to invent a machine that would paint for him, too.

Oh my gosh, this has to be the funniest thing I'll read all day: 

Guest Blogging: A Bourdain Throwdown

NOBODY ASKED ME, BUT……
By Anthony Bourdain

Here are the highlights for me:

ALTON BROWN: How did Alton slip inside the wire--and stay there all these years? He must have something on them. He’s smart. You actually learn something from his commentary. And I’ll admit it: I watch and enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory. Absolutely SHOCKED and thrilled when guys like Homaru Cantu show up as contestants--and delighted when Mario wins--again and again, forestalling his secretly long-planned execution. His commentary is mostly good. And that collar-bone snapping fall off the motorcycle on Feasting On Asphalt? Good television!

Me: Agreed!!  If Alton ever is in town, he gets the comfy purple couch...WITH fresh blankets!  But he's in charge of breakfast in the morning.  I have beakers he can use for preparation.

THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: Hey…He’s got talent! And..he seems to be a trained chef! And he’s really making food--and selling it in a real business! I think…I like it! If I have one reservation, it’s that I have no idea if the stuff actually TASTES good. It LOOKS really creative and quirky--and I’m interested but…I mean...it’s like construction going on over there from what we’re told and shown. One suspects that the producers don’t want to waste valuable time talking about anything so technical as food--on “Food” Network. I mean...what’s in those cakes, beneath the icing and marzipan and fondant? That said, it’s the only “kicky, new, cutting edge, in-your-face” hopeful they’ve managed to trot out of any quality in memory. Hope it lasts. Wait till they try and put the poor bastard on a pony--or do a “Tailgate Special” with the usual suspects. Or a “Thanksgiving Special” where he has to sit down with the bobbleheads and pretend to like it. On balance, it’s still probably the best new project they’ve come up with in a long, long time.

Me:  I like this show...I've been enjoying making my own cakes, and this show gives me tons of ideas.  I just have to find/make fondant now.

RACHAEL: Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?” Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”

Me: I have never seen anything truer in my life.  There really is something hypnotic about Rachel.  I make fun of her everytime she's on, and Ben has given up defending her (bwahaha).  I love the "OMG this is scrambled eggs...for BREAKFAST!!"  look when she spends $4.10 +tax&tip=$whatever.  We have a winner!

Just found this page whilst drinking morning coffee...a few top philosophical questions from philosophers.  But the BEST part is the end:

Bonus: Fake Your Way Through a Conversation (with Correct Pronunciation!)

If you fumble with a philosopher’s name, nothing you say afterward will sound credible. So, learn to pronounce these names correctly, then start worrying about their ideas.

(George) Berkeley is properly pronounced like Charles Barkley (bark-lee). This name is commonly mispronounced “burk-lee” like Berkeley, California, which, ironically, is named after George Berkeley.

(Friedrich) Nietzsche is commonly mispronounced as “nee-chee.” The correct pronunciation is “nee-ch-ya” and rhymes with “pleased ta meetchya.” “Pleased ta meetchya, Neechya.” Say it!

Lao-tzu (born ca. 604 BCE) is spelled several different ways in English transliteration from the Chinese. But no matter how you spell it, the proper way to pronounce it is “lau” (sounds like “ouch”)-“dsuh”. The stress goes on the first syllable.

(Charles Sanders) Pierce (1839 – 1914) is commonly mispronounced as “peer-s.” The correct pronunciation is “purse,” which is somewhat funny because Pierce rarely had a penny in his purse. Oddly, Pierce took his middle name, Sanders, as an anglicized form of Santiago, or “St. James,” in honor of a fellow pragmatist, William James (1842 – 1910), who helped him out financially.

(Ludwig) Wittgenstein (1889 – 1951) is a name that demands authentic German pronunciation, and there are plenty of ways to slaughter it. Here’s one that embodies all of them, “wit-jen-steen.” The correct pronunciation is “vit” (rhymes with bit)-“ghen” (rhymes with ken)-“shtine.” The first name is pronounced “lude-vig.” If you think it’s hard to pronounce his name, try reading his Tractatus.

I will completely humble myself and admit that this is INVALUBLE information for me!  Because regardless of how interested I am in philosophy, it is almost impossible for me to understand it.  Goodness knows I've tried many many times.  I had a college professor tell our class that English graduates tend to have trouble with philosophy because we look for references and patterns...and philosophers are able to create entirely new ideas (see: Derrida, my arch nemesis).

Just found this page whilst drinking morning coffee...a few top philosophical questions from philosophers.  But the BEST part is the end:

Bonus: Fake Your Way Through a Conversation (with Correct Pronunciation!)

If you fumble with a philosopher’s name, nothing you say afterward will sound credible. So, learn to pronounce these names correctly, then start worrying about their ideas.

(George) Berkeley is properly pronounced like Charles Barkley (bark-lee). This name is commonly mispronounced “burk-lee” like Berkeley, California, which, ironically, is named after George Berkeley.

(Friedrich) Nietzsche is commonly mispronounced as “nee-chee.” The correct pronunciation is “nee-ch-ya” and rhymes with “pleased ta meetchya.” “Pleased ta meetchya, Neechya.” Say it!

Lao-tzu (born ca. 604 BCE) is spelled several different ways in English transliteration from the Chinese. But no matter how you spell it, the proper way to pronounce it is “lau” (sounds like “ouch”)-“dsuh”. The stress goes on the first syllable.

(Charles Sanders) Pierce (1839 – 1914) is commonly mispronounced as “peer-s.” The correct pronunciation is “purse,” which is somewhat funny because Pierce rarely had a penny in his purse. Oddly, Pierce took his middle name, Sanders, as an anglicized form of Santiago, or “St. James,” in honor of a fellow pragmatist, William James (1842 – 1910), who helped him out financially.

(Ludwig) Wittgenstein (1889 – 1951) is a name that demands authentic German pronunciation, and there are plenty of ways to slaughter it. Here’s one that embodies all of them, “wit-jen-steen.” The correct pronunciation is “vit” (rhymes with bit)-“ghen” (rhymes with ken)-“shtine.” The first name is pronounced “lude-vig.” If you think it’s hard to pronounce his name, try reading his Tractatus.

I will completely humble myself and admit that this is INVALUBLE information for me!  Because regardless of how interested I am in philosophy, it is almost impossible for me to understand it.  Goodness knows I've tried many many times.  I had a college professor tell our class that English graduates tend to have trouble with philosophy because we look for references and patterns...and philosophers are able to create entirely new ideas (see: Derrida, my arch nemesis).